We’ve all been there. Standing in the kitchen, another episode of overeating, riddled with guilt. Tomorrow is the day. The day you throw away all the food in the kitchen, get that new diet book and download that workout app. Tomorrow, you are a new woman. You’ll be a beacon of perfect nutrition and fitness. Somehow, it will be different this time. This time is the last.
Perhaps you’ve adhered to a strict diet and exercise plan for a few weeks or months, only to fall short of the lasting lifestyle changes you desired. This is a familiar story for many mothers. The disappointment can take a toll on your mental health, and the yo-yo dieting can affect your metabolism. Despite these challenges, we find ourselves in this cycle repeatedly. The diet and exercise trends may change, but the struggle remains the same. We believe the only way to make changes is to make them all at once, and we take on more than we can handle each time.
If we’ve been living, eating, and exercising one way for a long time, the neural pathways (connections inside the brain) that tell us to live, eat, and exercise this way are deep and well-traveled. The brain has learned through years of repetition to function this way. The same is true of yo-yo dieting. Even though you know, logically, these methods don’t work, your nervous system defaults to the familiar when stimulated in a certain way. A familiar cue, such as weighing yourself, an upcoming event, a comment, a doctor’s visit, or even trying on clothes, can trigger a familiar yet frustrating response. The distress does not feel good, so we do what we’ve done in the past to feel better, even if it has not worked.
The good news is our brain pathways can be changed. While this is not a quick process, it is necessary to form new habits and break old ones. Through intentional learning and unlearning, we can create and strengthen new pathways while allowing old ones to fade over time. This is through the process of neuroplasticity. As the name implies, the brain is like a moldable plastic that we can change and reshape. In the beginning, doing something new is intentional and deliberate. The new action activates the new neural pathways. With repetition, these pathways become strong and automatic. With each repetition of new behavior, smaller stimuli and cues are needed to activate the pathways. Simply put, the more you do something, the easier and more instinctive the behavior becomes. The pathways are further solidified as we see and feel the benefits of habit change. Eventually, the behavior is no longer a decision we must make but something we do almost automatically, with less conscious effort.
The time it takes for a new behavior to become a habit varies and depends on many factors. There are no large, long-term studies on habit formation, though smaller studies suggest that about one to three months is typical for a new habit to form. When breaking an old habit, identifying the cues and rewards perpetuating it is an essential first step. Once the trigger is identified, you can devise ways to try and disrupt it. For example, if weighing yourself causes you to order new diet books, take the batteries out of the scale or, better yet, remove it from your home. If watching TV late at night triggers junk food cravings, try reading a book or setting a timer for twenty minutes before going to the kitchen. You may find the craving passes with time. Try making a list of ten different actions you could take in response to the trigger. When you encounter the stimulus and want to respond in your typical way, go down the list and do as many as you need until the urge fades. Whatever the habit you are trying to break, doing anything different than what you usually do is the way to weaken the pathways that cause the behavior.
No matter the habit you want to create or change, the most important element is self-compassion. Self-criticism when inevitable mistakes and setbacks happen will only delay progress. Practice phrases such as “I have been doing it this way for X amount of time. It will take time to make this change, and that is ok.” Another critical element in successful habit change is support. A friend, a group, a therapist, or a coach can assist in identifying the steps needed to reach your goal, as well as ongoing accountability and encouragement.
At Mom Over Matter LLC, we are honored to support mothers in making changes to become the healthiest versions of themselves. Schedule your free consultation here.
