Anxiety is a prevalent issue for mothers seeking therapy. While healthy anxiety can be adaptive, unmanageable anxiety consumes considerable time and mental energy, leading to distressing and unwanted thoughts, often centered on our children and families. This can result in feelings of being out of control, panic, and an inability to stop these experiences. We may refer to this as racing thoughts, anxiety attacks, spiraling, anxiety loops, snowballing, meltdowns, or rumination. Regardless of the term, it feels as though our brain is hijacked by a fortune teller predicting endless potential danger.
Anxiety arises from the activation of the sympathetic nervous system when we perceive a threat, prompting us to fight or flee for our safety. As beings programmed for survival, we gather information from our bodies, environment, and interactions with others, storing it as memories, bodily sensations, postures, sensory experiences, reactions, urges, emotions, thoughts, and beliefs. Consequently, specific stimuli can trigger reactions we may not fully understand.
A nervous system that hasn’t been subjected to chronic stress is adaptable and functions discreetly, allowing us to concentrate on higher-level cognitive processes like logic and reasoning. When a potential danger is detected and subsequently dismissed by our brain, our system relaxes, often without our conscious awareness. This automatic response ensures our safety and enables us to focus on our priorities. Ideally, it’s a seamless system.
However, this system can falter when it becomes stuck. Chronic stress can alter its default setting, causing it to remain constantly on high alert, or hypervigilant. Instead of merely scanning for danger, we start assuming its presence, interpreting all information through a lens of threat. Past experiences teach us that being on guard is safer, preparing us to either confront or escape perceived threats, making us more susceptible to anxiety spirals.
An anxiety spiral is a positive feedback loop, which, despite being a negative experience, perpetuates itself until interrupted. When our system detects a potential threat, and our brain determines it’s not imminent, our system may remain activated, causing our brain to continue searching for danger. The storytelling aspect of our brain then tries to rationalize our feelings. If there’s no danger, why do we feel anxious? It could be attributed to an upcoming meeting, an email from our child’s teacher, a past argument with our partner, or even something from the distant past. If our brain can’t identify the threat, it will invent one to explain our anxiety. These frightening thoughts then manifest as biological symptoms, such as changes in breathing, muscle tension, temperature, or posture, reinforcing the perception of danger. This cycle continues, generating more alarming thoughts until we feel overwhelmed and helpless.
So, how can we break this cycle? The initial step is awareness. Simply acknowledging that you’re trapped in an anxiety loop can help decelerate the process. Here is a simple script to try:
- Ask yourself: What is my anxiety level, on a scale of 1-10? How do I know?
- Is the intensity of my anxiety helpful or useful at this moment?
- What tool can I use to decrease the intensity?
- How do I know it helped? What is my level now?
Many tools can interrupt an anxiety spiral. These include breathwork, grounding exercises, and the dive response. For detailed information on these tools, check out this blog post.
If you’re a mother feeling trapped in cycles of anxiety, please know you’re not alone. At Mom Over Matter LLC, we offer therapy and coaching services specifically designed to reduce anxiety and empower you to live a more fulfilling life. If you’re ready to begin your healing journey, please feel free to contact us.
